I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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