I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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