i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
