she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
