I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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