Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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