and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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