We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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