3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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