Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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