I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
