he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
