i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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