She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
