I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
