He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
