Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
