Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
