I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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