omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize