Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
