I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize