Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
