I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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