My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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