His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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