names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
