The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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