you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
