no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
