Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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