i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
