Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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