FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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