Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
