we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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