I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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