Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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