I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
