honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
i think my cat just said my name.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
