i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
