hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
