I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize