Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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