I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
