i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
