so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
