Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he thought i was a dude.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
