Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
