the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
