You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
dude. I can hear the air.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
