right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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