Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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