im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
