I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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