dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
