...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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