I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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