He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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