I smell stomach acid.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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