Someone shit on the floor
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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