toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
