I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
