thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
