Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
