u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
