I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
