Welp...herpes.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
