I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize