Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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