both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
