I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
