im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
