im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
