Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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