White coat. Heels.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
