i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
