Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
