I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
