what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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