I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
