its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
