i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
