Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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