My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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