Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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