I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
