i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
