I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
