No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
