Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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