i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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