Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
there is glitter all over my balls
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
