I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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