Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
