"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Randomize
