I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
