If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
love makes seman taste better
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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