so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
