she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize