Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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