remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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