Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize