I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
