There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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