i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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