I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
