Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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