Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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