I could make wine with my vomit
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
