If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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