Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
