a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
