I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
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