We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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